Head Shrinkin'
by Little Writer Babe
Summary: After being kidnapped, nearly drowned, facing down an alien invasion and taking a bullet for her sister, it would be fair to say Alex Danvers has her fair share of baggage. She's no stranger to psychologist but will she be able to convince the new shrink at the DEO that's she fit and ready for field duty? Set after "Human Shield".


"Agent Danvers, how are you feeling today?"

Alex sat stiffly on the black leather couch, arms crossed and expression wary.

She knew this game, had played it since she was fourteen years old; since she became a big sister overnight and a pseudo-parent in an instant. In the beginning things had been hard but unremarkable. Then people started to notice Kara, to _target_ Kara and Alex had to become _something else, someone else._

After one too many altercations, school counselors began throwing out phrases like "gifted but troubled" and suddenly the eldest Danvers found herself talking about her feelings more often than she had ever imagined, battling assertions that she resented her parents, resented _Kara._

By the age of fifteen she had figured out the system; a perfect algorithm of "suppressed" emotions, tears and fictitious emotional breakthroughs. They would declare her "cured" and Alex would happily go back to caring for her sister like no one else could, breaking bones and bruising egos until her next serious infraction landed her back on the next head-shrinkers couch.

It wasn't that Alex _didn't_ have issues; she was not naive enough to believe that.

Her issues were large and sometimes debilitating and light years ahead of anything an everyday psychiatrist could understand. She knew therapy worked, had seen it help others face their issues but _Alex's issues_... well, they were _far_ beyond anything this galaxy had ever seen.

Sure there were people dealing with feelings of displacement; but not because their new sister had fallen from the sky. There were people dealing with the death of a loved one; but not because their father worked for a shadowy organization that hunted aliens, an organization that betrayed and killed him. There were even people dealing with lack of self worth; but not because their new alien sister was perfect and their mother had forced them to become the secondary parent since they were no longer the "golden child".

No, Alex's issues were in a galaxy all their own and she had learned to accept that, no matter how many diagnoses she received.

When she joined the DEO she had thought she was done with all that; except fighting aliens while the rest of the world remained unaware could take a heavy toil on ones psyche. So she found herself back in the precarious and unwanted position of sharing her feelings. Thus far she had been able to give them the bare minimum, employing all the tricks she'd perfected as a kid, making it back onto the field team in record time.

But this... this time around was _different_.

The damage done to both her body and mind after she took that kryptonite bullet for her sister was more extensive than any she could remember. Coupled with the emotional baggage from the Malverne incident, and their most recent thwarting of an alien invasion, Alex had found herself enduring extensive therapy three times a week. J'onn had made it clear that not only were such sessions mandatory but he wouldn't even _consider_ allowing her in the field until she received a clean bill of mental health.

Physically, Alex had done what she always did, exceed expectations. In just three and a half months she had gained back most of the mobility in her shoulder, earned her firearm recertification and put J'onn's ass on the mat more times than the Martian was comfortable admitting to. All that remained was her psych evaluation and Alex would be back to watching out for her little sister like she always did.

Unfortunately for her, the DEO's previous shrink had a nasty run-in with a Maldorian bounty hunter and was on medical leave for the foreseeable future. The president herself had sent a temporary replacement, no doubt in response to the incident with the positron canon. She had sent someone who was familiar with all the inner workings of the DEO; someone who was falling for none of the agents carefully cultivated tricks.

"Agent Danvers?"

"Huh?" Alex realized she had zoned out momentarily.

"I asked how you are feeling today?"

"Right. Great. Never better. Eager to get back in the field."

The older woman smirked. "I'll bet you are."

Alex eyed the woman suspiciously, taking in full stock of the person she'd been forced to share a space with for an hour every other day whether she wanted to or not. The woman in question was in her mid-50's with cocoa colored skin and dark, unreadable eyes. She always wore her graying hair in a severe bun and unlike the rest of the DEO, she wore a tailored pantsuit in favor of tactical gear.

Dr. Yvette Browning, "head-shrinker extraordinaire", well versed in the paranormal and extraordinary. She was apparently the finest the government had to offer. Alex respectfully disagreed.

She knew the woman's comments were meant to test her, attempts as eliciting an aggressive response. While the agent may have roughed up a prisoner or two in the past (closer to a dozen, actually), she retained enough control to smile at the woman sweetly.

"Yes, ma'am. If things go well here today, Director J'onnz is prepared to reinstate my Team Leader status."

"Well then, with so much at stake, why don't we jump right in?" Dr. Browning replied with an equally false smile. "You've been manning the command center for the past few weeks, how is that going?"

"It's going well. We've had several successful opps with minimal casualties."

"I hear you are quite the strategist." The woman replied in a complimentary tone, no doubt trying to set Alex at ease.

"Just doing what I can to get my team home safely."

" _And_ Supergirl."

"Of course, Supergirl too. She's a valuable member of our team." Alex answered more sharply than she intended, not sure she knew where this line of reasoning was going.

"Come now, Agent Danvers. I'm well aware that Supergirl is none other than your adopted sister, Kara Danvers. I've read your file. You've taken _quite a bit_ of abuse for your sister; ever since you were fourteen years old."

"She's my sister. It's my _job_ to protect her." Alex asserted, posture growing more rigid by the minute.

"I see. And what is your _job_ here at the DEO?"

"To protect National City and the Earth at large from alien threats." Alex answered without hesitation.

"Is that what you were doing when you disobeyed a _direct_ order? When you allowed our most valuable weapon against the invaders to be destroyed?" The doctor kept her tone friendly even though her words were anything but.

"I made a _tactical_ decision. Supergirl is our greatest asset and she played a pivotal part in stopping the invasion."

"Yes, she did. An invasion led by her _boyfriend's mother_ , if I recall."

"They were _estranged_." Alex ground out. "While I didn't personally care for Mon-El ... he and Kara loved each other. She took his loss hard."

"Let's talk about Kara."

"What about her?" Alex asked, growing less comfortable by the minute.

"You said it's your job to protect her but you also have a very specific job here; to protect against _alien threats_. And you see no conflict of interest?"

Alex couldn't suppress the growl in her voice at the unspoken implications. "Kara is _not_ a threat."

The doctor eyed Alex, raising a brow at the agent's aggressive tone. "I see." She stated simply, regarding the agent for several tense moments before she spoke again.

"One could argue," she began conversationally. "That your sister is the _biggest threat_ this department has _ever_ faced. That when she's involved, _you_ , the second most powerful person in all the DEO, make decisions that are only in _her_ best interest and _not_ that of the mission."

"That is bullshit!" Alex blurted out, rising from her seat and beginning to pace the room. "I have _never_ put Kara above the needs of the DEO!"

"Never? Is she not the reason you joined the DEO in the first place?" The woman asked and Alex stopped cold to glare at her. "What about this latest incident? Was it in the best interest of the DEO when you stepped in front of a bullet, leaving your team leaderless? Or was it in the best interests of the DEO when your sister left the rest of your team, to fend for themselves against countless Cadmus agents, just so she could rush you back here for treatment?"

"I would have taken a bullet for any member of my team! Not just Kara!"

"Perhaps. But your devotion to one another is a blind spot, Agent Danvers, a dangerous one that risks the safety of everyone around you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that the reliance you and Supergirl have on one another is _counterproductive_ and until you can find a balance, you are confined to the DEO until further notice."

Alex was floored. "You can't... you can't do that..." she whispered in disbelief.

"I can and I will. I have no jurisdiction over Supergirl but I have the president's full support when it comes to dealing with _you_." The doctor stated firmly before softening her tone. " _Alex_ , you are an incredible agent and from what I hear you have done amazing things here at the DEO. Don't let family entanglements ruin a promising career."

Alex didn't know what say. She had never expected this; never suspected the reason she was being held back was Kara; that her entire career was in jeopardy because she dared care for her sibling. Her breath was coming hard and fast and she needed to get out of there. NOW.

"Are you alright?" Doctor Browning was standing now, moving toward her with a concerned expression.

"Is that all?" Alex asked, ignoring the older woman's concern.

"Alex... you need to calm down..."

"Is that all?!" She demanded again, as the Doctor shrank back from her tone.

"Yes, but..."

Alex didn't hear what else the woman had to say as she yanked the door open and stormed out into the halls, the edges of her vision tinted with rage and anguish.

* * *

She doesn't know how much time passes, just knows that she needs to keep moving, needs to keep swimming against the tidal wave of emotion bearing down on her. Alex has no destination, just keeps putting one foot in front of the other until she finds herself mysteriously in the training room.

Before she knows it she's _screaming_ , sobbing, disappointment coursing through her. She needs somewhere to focus all this rage, all the crushing self-loathing. Alex began hitting the heavy bags _over_ and _over_ , her strikes uncoordinated and clumsy, the blows bringing sharp pain to her unwrapped hands, pulsing as the knuckles began to split and bleed.

But she didn't stop.

Not when someone started frantically yelling her name.

Not when her sister's strong arms dragged her away from the bags.

Not even when Maggie's concerned face swam into view, eyes brimming with tears.

"Baby, please stop! You're hurting yourself! Alex, _please_!" Maggie was begging her and soft hands were framing Alex's face as she frantically tried to get through to her.

Kara continued to restrain Alex as gently as she could, until the fight left her and the elder girl collapsed to her knees on the mat, eyes squeezed shut in agony, tears streaming down her face. The other women went down with her, faces tight with concern.

"Lexie?" Kara called, face buried in her sister's hair, sounding so small and afraid. "Lexie, please talk to us. _You're scaring me_."

Those three words were the ones that broke through to Alex. Her little sister was scared; _for Ale_ x, possibly _of Alex_ and that was something she couldn't live with, had never been able to live with.

"Kara?" Her voice was rough and weak as she shuddered against the two women.

"Yeah. Yeah, Lexie it's Maggie and me. What's going on? What happened?"

Alex opened her eyes to find Maggie staring at her, her girlfriends face full of fear and sadness.

"Baby, what's going on? Why are you in here hurting yourself?"

The agent noted in that moment that yes, her hands were throbbing with a dull pain, knuckles bloody and raw from her attack on the heavy bags. Kara shifted so her big sister now lay against her chest and Maggie knelt before them, holding Alex's aching hands in her own.

"I'm not going back in the field..." Alex managed to gasp out as the other women gently held her.

"What?! Why not?" Maggie's voice quickly went from fearful to angry.

"Kara..." she wheezed out and the young blonde spoke up.

"I'm here, Lexie. I'm right here."

"No..." she spoke louder this time, with more force. "It's _because of_ Kara..."

"Babe." Maggie urged her, rubbing gentle circles over her wounded knuckles. "You gotta give us more, help us understand."

"The doctor... she said I make bad decisions... _for Kara_... that I _endanger_ the DEO... but I won't stop protecting you, Kar... I won't, _I promise_..." Both Maggie and Kara were floored by Alex's explanation.

No wonder she had lost it.

To have someone tell you that you're forsaking your duty, endangering others simply because you love your sibling? That was _low_ and _cruel_ , something they should have expected from a government official. Maggie could feel her anger rising and she knew Kara felt it too.

"We need to talk to J'onn, he knows you, knows _us_... he won't let her do this to you. _I_ won't." The youngest sibling stated fiercely, hugging her sister closer. "But first, let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

The two women helped Alex to her feet and the trio made their way somewhat unsteadily to the med bay, careful to avoid any prying eyes. Kara shooed away the medical staff on duty as soon as they arrived, knowing her big sister wouldn't want her team seeing her this way. After Kara quickly x-rayed her sister's hands and found no fractures, they plopped Alex down on a bed and set to work cleaning and bandaging. Maggie took the lead, as she'd had to do the same thing for herself multiple times over the years, when she hadn't wrapped as well as she should, especially when she had first began boxing. In just a few minutes she had Alex's knuckles cleaned and wrapped, sealing each bandage with a kiss.

"Better?" She asked quietly, trying to catch her girlfriend's eye.

"No." Alex responded sullenly. "It's not better because _I'm_ not better."

"Alex..."

"I was so _stupid_! Stupid to believe I could have it all. I joined the DEO to protect my family. I _won't_ stop protecting you, Kara. I don't care what that woman says. She has no right to keep me out of the field, no right to question my loyalties!"

Alex jumped off the bed and began pacing once more, wincing when she ran a battered hand through her hair. She had failed _again_ , just like she _always_ did, just like her mother had _always_ said. Alex was muttering, she was unraveling and Maggie didn't know what to do. She loved her girlfriend but there were so many skeletons in the other woman's closet that the pair had yet to truly discuss. The detective had only recently discovered the depth of Alex's self-loathing yet here she was faced with it again.

Maggie turned to Kara, shaking her head sadly. She didn't know what to do or say; she couldn't get through to Alex. Kara stepped forward and grabbed her big sister by the shoulders, stilling her movements before pulling her in for a hug. The youngest sibling was just and inch or so taller than her sister but at times like this, when she so badly needed to be held, Kara felt like a giant to Alex.

"I'm so sorry, Lexie." She whispered as Alex broke down, tears soaking the shoulder of her sister's blouse, sobs wracking her slender frame. Kara held her sister for several minutes, rubbing her back and murmuring quiet assurances before she steered her into Maggie's arms.

"Take her home, okay?" She asked the small detective as Alex leaned dazedly against the shorter woman, completely wrung out.

"Yeah, sure." Maggie replied, wrapping a reassuring arm around the taller woman's waist, somewhat worried but relieved that Alex wasn't fighting the suggestion. "Where are you going?"

"To have a word with Dr. Browning."

* * *

It was several hours later when Alex woke up. She noted immediately that she was no longer at the DEO but rather in her apartment, lying flat on her couch with her favorite blanket pulled up to her waist. The agent raised an aching hand to her face only to find it immobilized by an ice pack, the other hand in the same condition.

"Kara? Maggie?" she called into the dark apartment, voice hoarse from her emotional outburst. A light went on in the bedroom and Maggie came rushing out.

"Ally! Hey, hey baby. How ya feeling?" she asked quietly as she perched on the edge of the couch. Alex shrugged noncommittally as the other woman began unraveling the ice packs around her hands. "Are you hungry?"

Alex shook her head no and rolled onto her side, body curling protectively around her injured hands. She sighed, closing her eyes, disappointed that she hadn't dreamed up the day's events. She was no longer a field agent; Kara's safety was out of her hands. Alex was sure that knowledge hurt far more than the kryptonite bullet had.

Maggie ran a gentle hand through her girlfriend's hair before she leaned forward, pressing their foreheads gently together. "I'm sorry," she whispered sadly. "We're gonna get through this, I promise." She frowned a little as she noted the sweat coating Alex's skin. "You're kinda warm baby, let's get this hot shirt off you."

When Alex didn't respond, Maggie sat her up and began unzipping the tactical shirt her girlfriend was wearing. She looked to Alex for consent before pulling it over her head and the sleeves gently off her injured hands, leaving the taller woman only in a black tank.

"Better?" Alex nodded numbly as she slumped into Maggie, forehead pressed against her collarbone while the detective scratched her scalp and rubbed her back. Both women jumped when a figure swooped in through the balcony door! Another quickly followed.

"Kara! J'onn!" Maggie exclaimed. "Did you talk to the doctor?" J'onn ignored Maggie's question and strode right to the couch, kneeling before his daughter.

"Alex," he whispered sadly. "She had _no right_ to say those things to you. She was wrong, so wrong about you. _No one_ cares more deeply then you do and _no one_ is better to stand by my side." He gently cupped the young woman's face, forcing her to look at him, to see the genuine concern in his eyes.

"But she said..."

"I _know_ what she said and I _know_ she was wrong. Your relationship with your sister is our _greatest_ asset. Family is _not_ a weakness Alex; its what makes us _strong_. Which is why I need you out there, with your sister, protecting this city."

Alex stared at him in shock, as did Maggie. "You mean?"

"I'm reinstating you as Team Leader, effective _immediately_ , or at least when your hands aren't so swollen that you can't carry a rifle!" He joked lightly.

"I don't understand..." Alex whispered in disbelief.

"I went to tell J'onn what happened," Kara piped up. "But he'd already received her report. By the time I caught up to him, he was dismissing the doctor, throwing her out of the DEO and threatening to have her license revoked!"

"J'onn," Alex gasped, tears in her eyes. "You did all that for me?"

"Of course." He replied warmly, pulling her into his arms. "No one messes with my girls!"

"Thank you." Alex murmured against his shoulder, relieved that at least one parental figure in her life refused to let her down. She pulled back to regard her family surrounding her and a slight frown crossed her face. "But, as much as I hate to admit it...the doctor was right about one thing."

"What could that woman have _possibly_ been right about?" Kara huffed, arms crossed over the emblem on her chest.

"What she said about balance. We _do_ need to find a balance, Kara. I can't keep adjusting missions to cater to you and you can't just drop everything to run to me. This isn't Midvale High anymore. There are a lot more people who rely on both of us, we can't just keep focusing on one another."

"I know that Lexie, but..." Kara dropped her arms, lips pulling down sadly. "But if anything happened to you..."

"Kara..." Alex stood and wrapped her arms tightly around her pouting sibling. "I know you'll do anything you can to protect me but I don't want you doing that at the expense of others."

" How Lexie? How am I supposed to just save someone else when I know you're in danger? I've lost so much... I _can't_ lose you!"

"Oh, sweetie!" Alex hugged her sister tighter, ignoring the pain in her hands as they tightened in Kara's hair and cape. " You're not gonna lose me but if it happens, if I do... _leave you_...I _know_ that you'll be okay. Because you're the _strongest_ person I know and you have J'onn, and Winn and Maggie to help keep you that way."

"That's right, Kara. You're _never_ alone." J'onn told her as he wrapped his arms around the pair.

"Hey! What about me?" Maggie joked tearfully as she wiggled under J'onn's arms to insert herself into the embrace.

"I love you guys." Kara mumbled, face still buried in her sister's neck.

"We love you too, Little Danvers." Maggie piped up in reply, turning her head to press a kiss to her girlfriend's temple. "And you too, Danvers."

"Thanks." Alex gave Maggie a watery laugh before pulling back to frame her sister's face in her aching hands. "We'll find our balance, okay? You and me and Maggie and J'onn. We'll figure out how we can still be each other's heroes and everybody else's too. Trust me, okay?"

"I _always_ trust you, Lexie. More than you'll ever know." Kara stared at her sister with such unending adoration that Alex found she had to look away for a moment to compose herself.

"Awww! Little Danvers really has made you soft, babe." Maggie whispered in Alex's ear, smiling wide and bright. "I trust you, too."

Just then all four heroes communication devices rang at once. "Danvers! J'onnz! Supergirl, here! This is Sawyer!"

Apparently, a rogue alien had picked just that moment to begin tearing through Downtown National City. The four glanced at each other with determination as they prepared to head out. Kara kissed her sister gently on the forehead before heading to the window.

"Let's go prove that 'head-shrinker' wrong!" she declared before zipping off into the night sky.

Maggie helped Alex slip on her leather jacket and she quickly adjusted the gun at her thigh. She caught J'onn's eye and he nodded with a smile, holding the door open for the two women. "After you, Team Leader."

Alex beamed as she raced out the door, Maggie and J'onn hot on her heels. Yes, her first instinct was to protect Kara and yes, it was something she could work on but Alex Danvers was an agentthrough and through and if anyone could find balance in a life so filled with chaos, it was she.


End file.
